if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
