I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
