Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
