he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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