Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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