I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
