I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
