I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
