you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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