i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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