so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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