UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
