He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize