Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
