it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wear drunk well.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize