Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
