The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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