I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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