Little spoons don't ask big questions
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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