the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
