I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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