Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
