I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
