I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
