we have officially lost it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
