Will you blow on my dice?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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