I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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