We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
