I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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