She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
