Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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