If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize