Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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