i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
