I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize