He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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