i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
