I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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