it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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