the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
as a side note pls kill me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
