pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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