we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
