he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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