In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize