I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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