Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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