the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
