i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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