Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
pray to the hookup gods
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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