Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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