we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
