You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
