It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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