If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
