That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
