apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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