I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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