Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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