Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
