shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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