How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
